Say NO to Automated Flushing Technology

If you walk into a public restroom to find one of these bloodshot cyclops staring at you, don't turn your back; slowly back away and leave ASAP. Do not, I repeat, do not attempt to use toilet.


Lisa told me about some huge renovations on the campus of George Washington University. The public restrooms in one of the buildings were closed for an extended period while they put in automated paper towel dispensers, soap dispensers, faucets, and toilets. Within a week after the grand re-opening, the custodians were leaving paper towel rolls on the sink after the automated dispenser had broken; liquid soap dripped like waterfalls from the countertop, and the toilets appeared to have evolved minds of their own. As you sat on them, they would randomly decide it was time to flush, whether you were ready for this experience or not. Lisa said as one sat in a stall, you would hear a symphony of coordinated toilets flushing in gurgling harmony. These were no ordinary flushes. They were tropical storm category flushes, where you had to cower in the corner of the stall to avoid the maelstrom.

The scariest thing about this to me was the fact that the exact same theatrics were occurring at the place where I work, where the newly renovated bathrooms were revolting against their human users. I suspect this terror is more widespread then we are letting on to. Is Al Qaeda behind this (no pun intended)? We need to talk about this publicly, people.

If you would like to help stop this unwanted intrusion, please visit the site: No to Automated Flushing Technology